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What the hell is so funny?

What do you find funny? A sign on a car lot that states “0 (zero) interest IN our cars”? This tells me that no one is interested in their cars. Sad. No one likes our cars! What shall we do? Eat worms? ICK! No way. I’d fire the damn sign guy for incorrect grammar. Dumass! Or better yet, a sign on an overpass with a state park below that says, “DO NOT THROW DEBIS FROM BRIDGE”. Well, hell, if I knew what DEBIS is, I don’t think I would be throwing it from the overpass, either. Sounds nasty. In this case, you think they meant DEBRIS? Spell check would have been instrumental so the state sign people don’t look stupid, but then, again…it’s the State. You look around and see all kinds of things that just make you scratch your head and go, uhhhhh, yup, whatever.

This next thought isn’t going to go over well with my friends in Washington State. Look around, friends. Do you see signs that say, “EVACUATION ROUTE THIS WAY”? around your city or state? I’ve seen them, and always wondered why the state would spend that much money making those signs and posting them on the side of different streets and roads. So, I asked a sheriff that same question. (Oh, you’re gonna love this answer!) He said, they aren’t for any real use. They are there to give the residents hope in case of a disaster. There’s your hard earned tax money at work. It just gives the illusion of hope, nothing concrete or guaranteed, it’s just an illusion. Ya like that, skippy? I laughed my ass off, each time I would see one of those signs around the town I used to live in. The State and Homeland Security wants to give you the illusion that everything is going to be just OKEY DOKEY FINE in case of a natural disaster. Me? That would be the time to grab the lawn chair, have a six pack beside that lawn chair, and sit my naked happy ass in the chair and wait. No one is going anywhere…let’s face it…how far do you think you’re going to get when a disaster happens? Ever watch like Deep Impact or one of those natural disaster movies? They have scenes where all the cars are lined up on the street, horns honking and no one moving anywhere. That’s what’s going to happen ANYWHERE when there is a natural disaster. If you get in your car…where ya gonna go, genius? Same place everyone else is going………..NO FRICKIN’ WHERE!! So, man up, and have a beer! If you’re number is up…you can’t escape your destiny. (and make sure you have clean underwear nearby. Your mom always said have clean underwear on in case you’re in an accident. Seriously? When the whole world is coming to an end, do you think God is going to be concerned that you had clean underwear on? Think about it.)

And now for something completely different. I see things from a different angle, usually when I have my head tilted to one side. It’s a weird angle, yes, but…it’s what dogs do when they don’t understand what they are hearing or seeing. I have a long list of things that make me wonder. I know you’re dying to hear what they are, I can feel it. I’m psych ot ic that way. Yea, yea, yea, I know, what else is new, right?

I had another passing thought. (maybe it should have kept on going! ) What about a Disney land kind of place for ADULTS ONLY! NO KIDS! Sorry…this theme park will be designed by many people…a collaboration of sorts. We’ll start with Stephen King, and John Carpenter, then we can move onto Dean Koontz or the guy that made the SAW movies. Throw in some Alfred Hitchcock type of terror and VOILA! You certainly don’t pay to get in…no noooo! You pay to get OUT! What’s a good old fashioned heart attack worth these days? Couple of hundred bucks? What about wet yourself kind of scary? That should be good for a late night story around the campfire. Whatdya think? Sounds like a winner to me! “Hey, Martha! I have a great idea for a summer vacation this year!!” Pack your stuff…we’re going to have F U N!!!!!!

Now, to end this…I have had some strange happenings lately, and I thought I would just pass them along. If you’ve come this far and still are reading…..why stop now? The fun is almost at an end.

People are just plain dumb. They do all kinds of things that make you wonder, “Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?”  I think we can forgive those that are posted in the People From Wal-Mart webpage. I think they just haven’t a clue as to why they dress the way they do. I’ve seen people that wear slippers to the store, lounge pants, aka Jammies to the store with those same slippers. Have we lost our mind as a people? Or is it that we are just plain lazy? I shared a photo of something on my Facebook page and my daughter posted, “Not funny, dad!” My wife thought it was funny, my friends think it’s funny, so when it comes to their mom, it’s not funny? Whatever. Move on, nothing to see here. When it comes to exes, the kids involved never seem to think things are funny….imagine that.

So, in conclusion, fellow babies, never take things at face value, cause honestly, you just have to laugh at everything or you end up so mentally deranged that you will end up in an institution, like the Blossom Hill Mental Hospital or a marriage.


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