Well, after posting the last thoughts I had from my former relationship, I have read a great book that has changed my way of thinking. Even though I thought that the author was/is a two faced fake, I have to take that opinion back.
Dr Laura Schlessinger has a book out that I found at the library and read it from cover to cover. There is a lot of what she said in the book, “How To Survive A Shark Attack (On Land)” that hit home with me.
Vengeance/revenge against someone that ratted you out, or betrayed you is not always the best thing to consider. I guess that after my last post, I was living for some kind of revenge because I thought that being betrayed and left, had to be the answer to how I felt. The book was just sitting on the shelf and the more I looked at it, the more I felt drawn to it.
I sat down, and read the first chapter while at the library. I was hooked. Dr. Laura was very forthcoming and honest about the nude photos that were released on the internet of her by a former lover. I’m sure that it wasn’t easy to see those after 30 some years without feeling some kind of inner burn and made her feel like she was betrayed by someone she thought she could trust. The man that released those photos died a year later.
In one chapter, Dr. Laura states that living well is the best revenge. Direct revenge feeds people who basically live off the emotional upsets of others. If we look at the Casey Anthony case, there are all kinds of websites that are rallying for revenge for the dead child, people making death threats against the mother, and when the announcement came down that the mother was “Not Guilty”, there was a huge uproar of death to the mother. Let’s get one thing straight.
One: Not Guilty does not mean innocent. It means exactly as it states…NOT GUILTY.
Two: If she were found INNOCENT, that would mean that she had nothing to do with the child’s death, which we all SUSPECT (and that’s all we can do) that she had a hand in the death of her child. So, all this talk of revenge for the death of a child is nonsense. Casey did not get justice, granted. What she did receive was support from people who don’t like to see a child killed, forgotten, or abused. That in my mind, was enough. She no longer has to deal with a sick woman who wanted to do nothing but party and have a good time and let the child be tossed out like daily trash.
I wanted revenge against quite a few people at one time. What I see from a distance is that if you wrap yourself in the blanket of revenge, it’s going to get really lonely in that blanket by yourself. When it gets hot inside that blanket, you might want to let it go and feel the cool air of justice, since it isn’t our place to seek that. God will deal with the person or object of our obsession come Judgment Day. I like to believe in Karma. If you do the right thing, it will be revisited on you. I, personally have experienced that situation. I did the right thing and it came back to me at a time when I needed it. If you do someone wrong…..oh, yeah….it’s like an irritating flock of crows. They will come home to roost and make you think about what you did wrong.
It’s always better to do the right thing and in Dr. Laura’s words, “I’d rather have a nice day than to contemplate revenge on those that betray us and trust me, there will be people out there that are looking for the opportunity. Let them burn up their days and energy plotting. You, you can walk in the sunshine, feel the warmth on your face, feel the wind blow and know that you are happy having a good day.” (ok, it was paraphrased!)
I have heard stories of people holding in their contempt, hatred and ill will towards others and end up dying without releasing that hate and discontent. How sad. Each one of us have an entire lifetime to make a difference in our lives, maybe leaving this world better than how we found it. Others, well, let’s just say that they would rather slide right into Hell on a skateboard made from all the ills that they feel was someone else’s fault.
The best part of Dr. Laura’s book was the paragraph on page 93. ….”One listener wrote to me that she was talking one day with her best girlfriend, sharing her plan to wreak havoc on someone’s life as righteous revenge for that person’s betrayal of her, when her girlfriend said, “If you are going to do this, I could no longer be your friend. You are a woman of integrity and self -respect, and as your best friend, I would not allow you to lower yourself to his level.” Nice touch! That’s the kind of friend that we all need. To remind us of how good we are and that we need to let go, move on and not trying to get even.
It’s said that you can’t get ahead if you are trying to get even. So true. You are pedaling no where fast when you are in the mode of getting even.
Now, let’s talk about forgiveness. The one thing we just can’t seem to grasp until sometimes, it’s too late. Forgiveness is usually not in our vocabulary or lexicon while we are plotting revenge. I have had a hard time grasping the idea of letting go. Just how do you do that? Let Go and Let God. Release it to the Universe, let it fly away like a bird. As Dr. Laura states in her book: POOP! When we are in the middle of feeling betrayed, there is no letting go…..you feel the burn, you seethe with anger and you want the person to be crucified like they deserve. FINE. Sleep on it, let some time pass and then….then, you can find forgiveness somewhere deep inside, because the longer you keep that inside, it’s like a virus that is self sustaining. It grows, making you sick. There are studies done that show that people who hold grudges for a long time, have more illness, are constantly sick or ill, and die sooner than those who are happy. Just makes sense, doesn’t it?
One last thing. Dr. Laura states that sometimes a betrayal is a blessing in disguise. She goes on to say that someone betrayed her, and she had to quit her job, but…..when she quit, she found another job that paid better, had more opportunities and better atmosphere. So, I agree with her. I left a job when I felt betrayed by my supervisor. Now, I have found many more opportunities to grow, learn and be more of what I wanted in my life. I am struggling like the rest of America, but each day that I can wake up above ground is a good day!
Look, I am human, I make mistakes, and God knows, I have made a lot of them. What I can say is this: I was told once that I was so focused on the problem at hand and I missed what was important. The person that said that made me walk with him to his car, and when we got outside, he stopped dead in his tracks. I kept going until I realized that he had stopped and was looking at the sky. I will always remember what he said so long ago.
“David, you are missing one of God’s simplest pleasures.” I just looked at him with a dumb stare. I was clueless. He pointed at the sky and that’s when I realized what he was talking about. The sun was setting in the western sky over Seattle and the Olympic Mountains in the distance. Absolutely gorgeous! He was right. I had to stop, take a deep breath, let it out and know that life is short, so you better take in everything around you. Let go of the small stuff and let’s face it….it’s all small stuff.
“Do not press the ‘Pause’ button on your life by festering with anger and feelings of vengeance ; all we each have is time, so fill it well.”
Thanks, Dr. Laura. You have opened my eyes to what is important.
I’m going back into the bomb shelter and wait for the fall out.
Later, Fellow babies!!!